There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
