I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
