Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
