Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
