If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
