I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
