She's JV to your varsity
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
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After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up