yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.