i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream