And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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