She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
