I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"