when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
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He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
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she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.