You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE