I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
