I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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