I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
