I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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