Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
