Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
