We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
