im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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