the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
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I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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