dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
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I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
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Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My bed smells like the plague
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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