Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
last night I used snow as a chaser
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
