..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
