We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
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He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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