So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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