would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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