Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
