i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
