Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
His nipple licking is glorious
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