Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
