DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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