Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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