since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
