Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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