I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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