U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
