I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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