does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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