Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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