I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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