i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
