So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
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Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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