there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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