I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
