i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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