bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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