One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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