you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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