no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
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We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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