it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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