it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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