There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
