You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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