Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
