Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
