Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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