i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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