Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize