Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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