I'm gonna have a badass scar
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
