So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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