we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
