so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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