Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
