all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
