I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
