thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
