I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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