Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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